Some people can orgasm from external anal play, like rimming, but most need to add penetration (either by finger(s), a sex toy, or penis) for full pleasure. It’s best to experiment anal play on oneself first using lube to learn what feels best.
Always use anal sex-friendly lube. And reapply frequently!
1. Breathe
While the posterior may be new territory for many couples, some people are already quite comfortable with anal arousal and even penetration. Still, some people feel repulsed by anal sex and that’s their prerogative to feel that way. Regardless, many women are exploring this area of the body and it’s worth taking a closer look at this sizzling back door play.
As with any sexual experience, it’s important to breathe properly. Holding your breath can cause your anal sphincter to tighten which is not what you want. If you have a tendency to have back-door play that involves penetration, a deep breath can help relax the sphincter before and during the procedure.
Another good practice is to shower before anal sex. This can double as a form of anteplay and also make it easier for everyone to get clean afterward. This can prevent lingering microscopic fecal matter, which is not only disgusting but can lead to bacterial vaginosis or a urinary tract infection.
2. Relax
When it comes to anal play, relaxation is key. If you’re feeling anxious or nervous, your sympathetic (“fight or flight”) response kicks in and makes anal arousal difficult.
The nerve endings around the anus are sensitive to light touch and pressure, and experimenting with different sensations during foreplay can help your body prepare for penetration. For example, you might squeeze the anal sphincter for five or 10 seconds and then relax it—this can help your muscles loosen up, which will make it easier for your partner’s penis to go in.
Similarly, it’s important to approach anal arousal with patience and to communicate any concerns you might have to your partner. For instance, some people might feel uncomfortable hearing their partner groan or gasp during anal play, but that’s their prerogative—and it shouldn’t stop you from trying out anal arousal at all.
Also, remember to use anal lube to ensure a smooth experience—the anus and rectum don’t have as much natural lubrication as the vagina, so be sure to reapply throughout your anal adventure. Try warming up with a butt plug, and don’t be afraid to get creative with position—the standard missionary position isn’t the only way to go!
3. Go Slow
If you’re new to anal play, it’s important to go slowly. “Don’t start with penetrating the anal straight away, but explore it with gentle finger play or anal toys, for instance,” Bailey suggests. “Anal sex can be extremely pleasurable without penetration. Rimming the anus, prostate massages, oral stimulation and external manual pressure can all be very enjoyable.”
In addition to easing into anal sex, Bailey recommends being aware of your sexual pleasure zones and what turns you on. For example, many women like clitoral stimulation during anal play, and some even reach G-spot orgasms during anal stimulation.
It’s also important to communicate openly with your partner, and make sure that anal sex is a mutually enjoyable experience. If it isn’t, don’t force it – instead, talk about it in a nonsexual setting so that you can gain consent outside of the bedroom and avoid any potential problems in the future. It’s also best to always use protection, such as condoms, whenever possible, to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections.
4. Get Stimulated
Anal sex can be extremely pleasurable, but it’s important to make sure that you’re fully turned on before proceeding to anal penetration. That’s why it’s a good idea to do some anal foreplay before heading to fifth base.
For example, many people enjoy having their anus licked before penetration. This can be done by either the giver or receiver. This is a great way to stimulate nerve endings, intensify pleasure, and get blood flowing to the anus.
Another way to get a feel for anal play is to practice using a butt plug with your partner. These sex toys have a flared base that prevents full insertion, and can be used to tease and lick the anal before going further.
It’s also a good idea to explore other erogenous zones. The clitoral area, nipples, and penis are all highly sensual, as well. In fact, a blended orgasm (which is when multiple erogenous zones are stimulated) can be more pleasurable than anal sex on its own. So don’t be afraid to incorporate oral, vaginal, and clitoral stimulation for an optimal anal experience.
5. Ask for Feedback
As with any sexual experience, it’s important to check in with your partner throughout anal play. Checking in can help to ease fears and alleviate any concerns. It can also be a great way to increase pleasure! Make sure to ask your partner how anal play feels at different points, and never be afraid to back off if penetration becomes uncomfortable. It’s also a good idea to discuss anal sex ahead of time, so that you are both comfortable with the idea and expectations for what anal play will be like. The anus is a super-responsive erogenous zone that can lead to mind-blowing orgasms!